Christian Single Parent Dating

The topic of Single Parent dating is a broad one and an issue many parents find themselves facing at one point or another. Many factors may propel you into the dating scene again and you might be unsure of how to proceed with caution.

For Christian singles I believe the word "courtship" is more appropriate to use than dating. Spending time with a member of the opposite sex in order to find out if you have chemistry, and whether there is potential to spend your lives together, is normally the main reason for dating.

Single Parents already have all the challenge of parenting alone and then have to balance getting to know someone, phone calls, texts, and dating. There will be different obstacles & difficulties to overcome depending on the age of your children and your personal obligations.

Dating again after being single a long while can be a breath of fresh air and a joyous time for many Single Parents. Adult-only time is an important part of your health as a person. You are more than just a parent, and time spent doing things you enjoy and engaging in adult conversation is a vital part of your well-being. Time spent with friends or pursuing your own interests also falls into this category. Here are a few common questions about Single Parent Dating.

• Q: When is the right time to start dating again?
  
  

  A: Each person's answer to this question will be unique because we all heal at different rates. Emotional Health and Self-Love play a large role in deciding when to venture back into dating. Still others just get in a rut of familiarity refusing to meet anyone new, afraid of being hurt and vulnerable again.

  Generally speaking, if you have the desire to meet new people, you are ready. Your social life should not be "put on hold" until your children are 18 or moved out of the house. You still have to make wise decisions about WHO you choose to spend your time with, but being isolated is not helpful to you or your kids. You intuitively will know when it's time to step out of the boat.
  
  
  

• Q: When should I introduce my date to my children?
  
  

  A: This is one situation that should be handled with caution. Children have the tendency to become attached to people. If, and when, our relationships don't work out everyone gets hurt including the kids. If after several months you feel comfortable doing so, it's best to introduce your significant other as a "friend" to your children.

  This is certainly a personal judgement call depending upon the seriousness of your relationship. It is usually best NOT to introduce your children to someone you're dating until there is some sort of serious committment established. And you definitely don't want to rush into that without REALLY getting to know someone!

  If the person you are dating suggests doing something fun with the kids and significant trust and committment have been established, there's nothing wrong with going out together as long as you and your children are comfortable doing so. Having a talk with your kids about the new person in your life is a good idea, along with the understanding that you and they should have no expectations to the outcome of the relationship.
  
  
  

• Q: What if my children don't like or get along with my significant other?

  A: It is important that the person you are with not only treat you with love and respect but also treat your children this way, no matter what age they are. This usually becomes more of an issue with pre-teens and teenagers. Your children will naturally be protective of you and don't want to see you hurt again. Take time to talk with your kids and find out how they feel about your relationship.

  Your kids may have some insight into your significant other that you can't see clearly. Use your own gut intuition, and don't simply disregard the concerns of your kids. You will ultimately be the one who makes the decision, but if your kids aren't happy about the person you're dating then that could be a red flag you need to investigate further. You do not need to share your children's concerns with your date. You should always try to do what's in the best interst of ALL parties involved, and that definitely includes your own kids!
  
  
  

The Questions & Answers regarding the issues of Single Parent Dating are many and varied. You will have your own unique circumstances regarding work, age of childen, custody schedules, and a ton of other related issues. Listen to your what your gut is telling you about a person and be sure to protect yourself and your children no matter what!

If your children are younger you will need to arrange for childcare. If you have a responsible older child, he/she can babysit and be given instructions to reach you in case of an emergency and that's that. When you are taking care of yourself emotionally, physically, spiritually & financially your children will notice how much healthier and happier you are. This is a good thing for the whole family. Your kids will be glad to see you are balancing family, work and also "grown-up" social time.

No one can doubt the convenience and popularity of Internet Dating. It has become one of the quickest, easiest and most enjoyable ways to meet someone new. Some of these dating sites provide detailed profile questions, browsing members features, and instant messaging capabilities. There are often hundreds and sometimes thousands of member profiles available.

Once you join an Internet Dating site you normally are charged on a month-to-month basis for the privelege of using the site and their features. Use extreme caution or avoid completely any dating sites which are free because they have no quality control and attract some pretty bad apples.

I suggest striking up a friendship with someone and finding out what you have in common before planning any "dates". Exercise caution and do not give out any personal information (ie... phone number, house address) until you have been in contact for a long time, and feel comfortable doing so. There are many quality people who join dating sites. Use your best judgement and have fun!

Tip #1 Only go on a date with someone you know fairly well and have a good feeling about. Of course, we can't always trust our feelings, but I'm talking about being a good judge of character. If you discern that the person asking you, or you ask out on a date, is genuine then go for it! God often speaks to us Spirit to Spirit and that is why we have "gut" feelings, intuition or we "just know" something. If you sense uneasiness, a negative premonition, or there are obvious red flags; save yourself alot of trouble and simply thank them but decline the date offer.

Tip#2 Focus only on your date and having a nice time. It won't do you or your date any good if your Mind is somewhere else. Don't worry how the kids are doing, and unless he/she brings up the topic don't continuously talk about your children either. Try not to think about the dishes in the sink, the load of laundry to do, or cutting the lawn. This is time set aside just for your own benefit, so live in the present moment and focus on the person you're with. You will enjoy yourself alot more and put off more positive energy when you are SingleMinded!

Tip#3 You make the rules, because you're not desperate. Single Parents need to remember that there is more at stake when they date which means extra caution and good judgment must be exercised. You can choose to date seriously or casually, or simply go out by yourself. Know how you deserve to be treated and don't settle for anything less. There really are "plenty of fish in the sea", so be very choosy and know your own worth!

1) To make your ex jealous and make them think that you're happy without them - while you're really just covering up your pain. (This tactic does not work and isn't productive for anybody involved.) Give yourself adequate time to heal & forgive your ex (and yourself).

2) To make your family & friends happy. If you're being pressured from friends & family but you do NOT feel ready or have the desire to meet anyone new. You may tell these well-meaning busybodies in your life that it's your choice not to date now and if they respect you they must also respect your wishes. A relationship that feels "forced" isn't going to last.

3) For looks or appearances only. Don't start dating someone simply because you want to be seen with an attractive person or for your own ego-boosting. This is not fair to the person you are dating. If you aren't truly interested in getting to know someone for who they are, and have the ability to love and accept them, then don't even bother dating anyone. Work on loving yourself first so that when the time is right you will have the capacity to really love another!

Michelle McKinney Hammond is a well-known, accomplished Christian author who's books on Christian Singleness, Love & Dating I highly recommend!

Choosing a Mate God's Way By Pamela Ashley / Pleasant Word If you are single, divorced, or the parent of a young person, this book is a must read! You will explore God's Word and find His plan for dating and choosing a mate His way! Falling in Love for All the Right Reasons, Paperback By Dr. Neil Clark Warren / Center Street Whether you have never been married or are single again after a death or divorce, you can meet a wonderful person who wants to share your life at the deepest levels. This eye-opening guide explains the essential rules for finding true love. Falling in Love for all the Right Reasons helps you avoid wasting years on the wrong person and the pain of a broken heart. Instead, it opens the door to finding a love that you can relish for a lifetime and, what's more, shows you how to begin a successful search right now! God Is a Matchmaker By Ruth Prince / Baker If you are single, probably your primary question is how you will find your God-appointed mate. Could you believe that God himself put this in your heart? Choosing your mate is the most important decision you will ever make, after salvation itself. This book can help you avoid heartbreak and failure. It contains practical, down-to-earth directions that will help you find God's plan, including preparing yourself for marriage, following God's teaching, and the role of parents and pastors. Avoiding Mr. Wrong: And What To Do If You Didn't By Stephen Arterburn / Thomas Nelson Complete with a diagnostic quiz and quick reference lists, Avoiding Mr. Wrong is ideal for women whose hopes have been dashed again and again by a seemingly promising relationship. The book helps them to see more clearly, think more rationally, and act more wisely in the pursuit of Mr. Right. Paperback Edition; ECPA GOLD MEDALLION FINALIST Finding a Man Worth Keeping: 10 Dating Secrets that Work By Victorya Michaels Rogers / Howard Books Single women often complain of two problems: no dates or dates with men who seem like Mr. Wrong. What's a girl to do? Victorya Michaels Rogers has the answers. She went out with more than one hundred men--ninety-seven of whom asked her out again--before she met and married the man of her dreams. A former Hollywood agent, Rogers often traveled in elite circles but couldn't seem to find a godly Christian man with whom she wanted to spend the rest of her life. Just as Solomon set out to understand wisdom, Rogers set out to master the art of dating. Her experience is distilled into ten pragmatic secrets, such as "find out what you want," "be a great date," and "face reality." Now happily married, she delivers an upbeat message for women desiring to find, date, and keep the right man.